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November 28, 2018 | Kristen James
It's a question I ask myself a million times a day... "why am I like this?"
Growing up, I was the sensitive one. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I've always cared deeply about the opinions of others. My sister, Kailey, is tough. She's easy going, nothing seems to bother her and she's cool under pressure. I've always wanted to be like that.
Although in recent years I've become more secure in my personality and fairly certain that God made me this way for a reason, I've found myself struggling with this question again in this new season of life. Marriage.
Listen, I've been married not even 2 weeks, but I've already learned that it makes you examine yourself. Mike and I have very different opinions about where dirty dishes should be stored. I think they should go right in the dishwasher, he likes to pile them up in the sink. I don't understand the logic behind it but that's another story.
For an entire week, I kept subtly hinting at my desire to have the dishes go right into the dishwasher. But after 8 days of marriage and a really bad cold, I had had it! I loudly put Mike's bowl in the dishwasher and loudly slammed the door. He came around asking what was wrong and I said, "I don't understand why you won't put your dishes right in the dishwasher! Why do I have to then take your dishes out of the sink and put them in the dishwasher? Just put them in the washer!"
Mike laughed at me.
He said, "You worry too much. It's not that serious." I'll be honest that lack of sleep from sneezing all night and a sore throat added to the drama of the oatmeal bowl. But I started wondering again, "why am I like this?"
I would guess that the majority of the time that this question comes up - we're doing something we don't want to be doing. But there have been so many times in my life where I've gotten burned for caring "too much" about a person or being too transparent. Which I, personally, feel like are good things.
What I've learned is that God created us all different. If we were all the same it would be so boring. If everyone was sensitive like me, oh man, a lot of tears and slammed dishwashers... if everyone was unphased like my husband, we might all be disconnected. The point is - we need each other, every single personality type serves a purpose. We balance each other out.
Mike reminds me to chill out and that everything in life is just not that serious. And I remind him that some things do matter and are serious so we should pay attention.
Whoever you are, use it to encourage others, to serve God's kingdom, and stop wondering why you are this way. There is a reason God created you with this personality. And when you find that purpose, focus on that, use it for good and don't ever let the devil trick you into thinking you should be different.
P.s. this is not your "okay" to slam the dishwasher and get upset about a bowl in the sink haha! That's me misusing my sensitive nature. Just being honest you guys! We have a choice and a million opportunities to make the right decision on how to use our God-given personalities. The struggle is using them to benefit us and others. AKA stop obsessing over the sink Kristen and focus that energy on a person in need of a shoulder to lean on and an ear to listen.